About 10 years ago, I decided to skip the 5 and 10 k races and go straight for a half marathon. It seemed gargantuan to me but I followed my Hal Higdon training schedule and got ready. I actually blew past my expectations and finished way ahead of my time.
When Fergal was diagnosed with Cancer, I felt I had been flung into the messy final stretch. One week to live I was told…gloom and doom.
But similar to when I surpassed my half marathon race predictions, I soon woke up and realized that I was capable of more. That FERGAL was capable of more. I could run a full marathon and I felt that capable could go further as well.
So Fergal bounced back from his one week prediction. He bounced back in force actually. Back issues out of the way, he was downright back to normal.
And then a few weeks later, we ran into some eating issues, to some incidents where he woke me up falling down the stairs. To several days where I wasn’t so sure if he wanted to be around at all.
But a few weeks on, I’ve decided not to hang on one missed meal here or a hung head in pain there. I can’t. Because it would drive me crazy. Instead I’ve started looking for the patterns and I talk to the red head currently telling him the patterns or the signs he needs to show me. The slow trends, the ripcord options…the nuclear route.
Because at the end of the day, I want Fergal’s end to be relatively pain free. I want it to be full of dignity and I don’t want it to be premature.
Based on the snuggle we just had, I think he gets it. I got my eye on him and I dare say I know him better than he knows himself.